We have a situation

These shocking images of a yet unidentified, gagged and ... uh ... blindfolded birthday present were just released by the authorities. No ransom demands were made, but officials say that the kidnapper, calling herself "Secret Pal 9" released a statement claiming that the hostage will be released on November 4, 2006, provided that no rescue attempts are made before that date. The motives of the kidnapper are still unclear, but experts assume that "Secret Pal 9" suffers from BSS (Birthday Surprise Syndrome), a mental state closely linked to the psychological phenomenon of "Santa Claus Impersonation Disorder" and obscure Easter rituals involving the covert placement of coloured eggs in unlikely locations.
K-NEWS will keep you updated as this latest hostage situation in a long, terrifying series of BSS-related incidents unfolds ...