The long goodbye

The doctor is baffled. The nurses are baffled. Dad and I are too exhausted to be baffled.
Several times a day, Mom’s heart starts to race so violently that it shakes her and the bed, and it makes like it wants to give out. But it doesn't. Several other times a day, she is in so much physical and psychological pain and tries so hard to find relief from it that you'd think she'd die from exhaustion alone. But she doesn't.
Last week, when I saw the doctor to the door, he must have seen the bewilderment in my eyes, because I didn’t even have to ask that most tactless of questions, “How long?”
He shrugged helplessly and said, “Your mother should not be alive anymore."
But she is.
Life has taken on a timeless quality. The days blend into each other, because we don’t organize things by office hours or meal times, but by the nurses, the medication and the feeble attempts at giving Mom some sort of relief with massages and compresses. When I planned my day trip home last week, I was startled to realize that it has been a month already. I have no idea where it went.

However, I’ve decided that I need to return to some of the joys in my life. Actually, I was reminded in the nicest way by the things I found when I went home on Saturday.
I knew that my pals Alison and Sabine had sent me things just after I had gone into exile, so I was already happily curious when I got home.
But I wasn’t prepared for the life-affirming (and raaather emotional) effect of my pals.
The lovely Sabine sent me a whole parcel of one skein goodies – and I can’t tell you how bad I feel that I couldn't acknowledge it before now - with not one but three projects.

A flower pin that will be perfect on my winter coat, a key ring with a felted flower that just makes me happy looking at it, and gloves. Yep, not mittens, gloves, Vanalinn gloves from A Gathering Of Lace.

The ones I had coveted but never dared to try, because let's face it, I have enough trouble with socks. They are much more beautiful in person even. And since three one skein goodies weren't enough, apparently, Sabine put in some heavenly olive oil soap, a Bach flower bath (boy, do I ever need that), a Japanese bandana

and a chocolate sampler. I'll get to try that Black & Green stuff everybody is raving about. But the nicest thing was her note (on a card with real fluffy sheep). Sabine, thank you for everything. You’ve been such a wonderful pal and your gifts “got” me so accurately that it’s hard to believe we don’t know each other.

Of course, the same thing goes for Alison, who couldn’t let me stop being her spoilee without more chocolate drinks.

I do appreciate that! And the soft yarn


and the handbag charm and a card with the Ancient Mariner on it!!! Hee, that wasn't just a clue, that was balm for the literature student's soul. Oh, and a reminder to be really careful with albatrosses. Always handy.
Alison, I thought a lot about you on Saturday, because apart from these gifts, there was an ebay purchase waiting for me. A swift to go with my cool vintage ball winder, so I spent some time winding to replenish my yarn supply here.

There has been therapeutic knitting. Pictures of the FOs of the last month to follow.
It feels good to blog again. And to read blogs again And even better to think about all the good things in the knitting community. I think I'm back.